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Marriage is a beautifully ordained union by God—but let’s be real: it’s not easy. No matter how compatible we are with our spouse, a healthy marriage takes work.
It requires both partners to invest time and effort to ensure that their bond stays strong, regardless of the circumstances.
From my experience, I can assure you that difficult situations will arise, external pressures will test the strength of your marriage, and tensions will flare at times.
Even on an ordinary day, there are countless challenges that can cause two people to lose touch with each other.
I’m not even talking about life-altering events here. I’m referring to the daily juggling of schedules, managing a household, and raising children.
Life can get so busy that it becomes all too easy to let the needs of your marriage slip away.
When that happens, patience begins to wear thin, and tolerance starts to falter. Before you know it, small annoyances start to overshadow all the good.
If you’re newly married and reading this, you might think it could never happen to you.
But let me assure you—after 10 years of marriage, I can confidently say it most certainly can and does happen.
The little things begin to get under our skin, and we find ourselves feeling more annoyed.
Worse still, we start creating mental lists of all the things our spouse forgot to do instead of appreciating all the things they’ve done. And often, this happens without us even realizing it.
Before long, resentment begins to take root. Let me tell you, that toxic feeling is a poison for both your soul and your marriage.
Nothing good will ever come from it. Now, before I go any further, let me make one thing very clear: I come to you as someone who has been guilty of this very same thing.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I am not perfect. I am flawed. Every single day, I work to become a better woman, wife, and mother.
It’s a learning curve for all of us.
So, if anything I’ve said resonates with you, know this: you are not alone. There is no judgment here.
I’m here to help you make small but impactful changes that can strengthen your marriage and take it to the next level.
When you choose to focus on the good in your spouse—especially in the midst of everyday chaos and stress—you have the power to transform your marriage. Let’s dive in.
Gratitude Is a Mindset
Here’s the thing: showing gratitude isn’t just about saying, “Thank you” occasionally. Gratitude is a mindset, and your mindset is a choice.
You can choose to nurture a grateful perspective toward your marriage, deepening the love you feel for your husband, strengthening your connection, and bringing joy back into your relationship.
This is the kind of deep connection that can withstand the storms of life for 50 years and beyond.
So, this week, we’re diving into how you can cultivate a heart of gratitude for your marriage. Together, we’ll explore how to see your spouse with fresh eyes and appreciate them for who they truly are.
Why Gratitude Is Vital in Marriage
The practice of gratitude can completely shift your focus and transform how you see your marriage.
Rather than zeroing in on your spouse’s flaws or the little things he does that drive you up the wall, gratitude helps you recognize his strengths and the blessings he brings to your life every single day.
And let’s be honest: We are not perfect. We have our own flaws, our own shortcomings, and we are far from perfect.
I know what I’m saying may feel a bit “anti-woke,” but here’s the deal: I don’t write this blog to be trendy or politically correct.
I write it to share truth, honesty, and candidness—things that help us grow as women of faith.
We cannot grow unless we keep it real. So, in the spirit of growth, let’s shed all pretenses and ego.
Let’s accept that we are flawed beings, born into a world of sin, and strive daily to be more holy in His image.
Trust me—the steps I teach you here work wonders. Gratitude not only improves your emotional health but also creates a ripple effect, enhancing the health of your spouse and your marriage as a whole.
You’ll find yourself reducing conflict, increasing intimacy, and experiencing more joyful moments with your husband.
It truly works.
When I focus on what I’m grateful for, my entire mindset shifts, and the domino effect begins. My whole day changes for the better.
I start noticing and appreciating the little things, which makes me happier. My happiness naturally influences my husband, making him feel appreciated, loved, and valued.
In turn, he feels inspired to do even more to care for me and our family.
Gratitude is a powerful force that strengthens your connection, brings joy, and fosters a deeper bond in your marriage.
Recognizing the Small Things
The #1 way to begin shifting things in your marriage is to start noticing the small things. You know exactly what I’m talking about—the everyday gestures that are so easily overlooked.
These small things mean much more than you might realize. They are often rooted in the deepest expressions of love for the other person.
Maybe he made you coffee in the morning or handled a daily chore without being asked, like tidying up the house before bed or washing the dishes after dinner.
And guess what? It doesn’t matter how often you’ve done it compared to him.
Keeping score doesn’t do either of you any good. I’ll be the first to raise my hand and admit that I’ve been guilty of this toxic habit, and I cringe just thinking about it.
Scorekeeping breeds arrogance and resentment. Your marriage is not a contest of you vs. him, but if you keep score, it will turn into one—I guarantee it.
You each have unique roles and strengths that you bring to the marriage, and neither one is better or more important than the other.
So, it doesn’t matter if you’ve washed the dishes every night for as long as you can remember. If he does it even once, acknowledge it and express your gratitude.
He doesn’t need to hear a comparison of how often you’ve done it versus him. In fact, the reason he probably stepped in to do it is that he already knows how much you handle.
He recognized your effort and made a conscious decision to take something off your plate, even if it was just that one time.
He may not make a big deal out of it or even say anything about it. He might be the quiet, strong type who simply recognizes a need and takes care of it.
Be grateful for that, and let him know you noticed.
When he feels valued for his efforts, he’ll feel more inclined to help with the little things more often in the future.
The best part? The more you begin to notice these small acts, the more you’ll start to see all the little things there are to be grateful for.
Before long, you’ll realize just how abundant your marriage is with reasons to give thanks.
To get started, try this:
- Each day, take a moment to mentally list the things your husband does that make your life better.
- You can keep this list in your mind or jot it down in a journal.
- Example: Something small, like a goodnight kiss. Or something bigger, like taking an extra responsibility off your shoulders.
- The more you practice this, the more you’ll notice.
When you express your gratitude, remember that it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but it does need to be genuine.
A quick text, a note left for him to find, or a heartfelt verbal thank-you can go a long way. Personal, simple moments like these have the power to make a significant difference in your marriage.
The Power of Words: Expressing Gratitude Verbally
Words carry immense power. When you verbally express your gratitude, it not only reinforces your feelings but also shows your spouse how much their actions mean to you.
However, a generic “Thanks” doesn’t have the same impact as a heartfelt and specific acknowledgment.
For example:
- “Thank you for picking up the kids today.”
- “I really appreciate you tidying up the house last night.”
- “Thanks for starting the coffee this morning—I really needed it.”
- “Thank you for working so hard for our family. I love you.”
Being specific demonstrates that you genuinely see and value their efforts. This makes them feel noticed, appreciated, and loved, strengthening the emotional bond between you.
Make affirming your spouse a daily habit. It doesn’t matter if it’s over breakfast, dinner, or before bed.
The key is consistency.
Share something you appreciate about them and explain why it matters. These small acts of verbal gratitude can have a profound and lasting impact on your marriage.
Practicing Gratitude During Difficult Times
Let’s be honest—there will be challenging seasons in every marriage. Financial struggles, health crises, or overwhelming schedules can make it difficult to feel grateful.
During these times, it becomes dangerously easy to focus on what’s wrong or missing.
The distance begins to grow, and with it, apathy. Apathy gives way to disregard, which eventually opens the door for anger and resentment to take root.
No one sets out to let this happen, but it’s a reality many couples face.
If you’re currently in the midst of such a season, I want you to know that hope is not lost.
It starts with one small shift. No, it won’t be easy, and it won’t feel natural at first—especially if you’ve reached a point of distance or animosity. But with time, effort, and intentionality, you can rebuild the connection you once had.
When my son was battling end-stage liver disease, my husband and I found ourselves in survival mode.
We were both working full-time jobs outside the home, trying to juggle long work hours, endless specialist appointments, and emergency hospital stays that became a monthly occurrence.
The financial strain was immense. We were paying for eleven daily medications and specialty formulas that had to be purchased by the crate.
Bills piled up, and we had to make impossible decisions—choosing between paying for our cars, our mortgage, or our son’s medical care.
We were drowning in debt, maxing out credit cards just to make it to the next month.
Every moment of our lives was consumed with keeping our son alive long enough to receive an organ donation.
The stress was unrelenting, and we barely had time to breathe, let alone nurture our marriage.
Slowly, we became more like roommates with a shared marriage license than the happily married couple we always had been.
There were no date nights or quiet moments to reconnect. We were losing touch with the version of us that made us want to get married in the first place.
When our son was hospitalized, I was the one who would take time off work to be with him, handling every medical appointment and update.
I always brought my husband up to speed on any changes to our son’s care. From an objective standpoint, it made sense for us to divide responsibilities this way.
It ensured consistency in our son’s care and allowed my husband to stay focused on providing financially for our family.
But as we drifted further apart, that logical division of labor became a source of tension.
I became so consumed by my own experience that I forgot my husband was going through the same nightmare. I didn’t recognize that we were both heartbroken and struggling under the weight of our son’s dire prognosis.
I failed to see the immense burden my husband carried.
While I was at the hospital, he was working long hours, managing our home, and caring for our daughter on his own.
He carried the financial weight of our family entirely on his shoulders. He worried constantly about our son’s health, and every time our son was rushed to the emergency room, he felt just as terrified as I did.
I overlooked how deeply it must have hurt him to be unable to be with our son at the hospital, knowing he had to stay behind to provide stability for our daughter.
I was blind to the silent strength he displayed every single day, and I allowed resentment to take hold.
It was a dangerous spiral—one that could have easily broken us. But before it got worse, we began to talk.
We realized we had to fight for our marriage, not just for ourselves but for our children. Our son needed us to be a strong team, united in the face of adversity.
I started small.
I began mentally reminding myself of all the sacrifices my husband was making for our family—how he gave up sleep, comfort, and downtime so I could leave at a moment’s notice for a hospital stay.
When I left my job to care for our son full-time during his pre- and post-transplant care, I thanked my husband for carrying the financial load.
We weren’t perfect, and the road back to each other was not easy. But one year later, I can tell you that we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we were during that dark time.
Gratitude played a key role in our healing.
Today, we express gratitude in simple but meaningful ways—through words, notes, or even a quiet hug.
These moments remind us of how much we appreciate, love, and value each other.
Even in the hardest seasons, gratitude can ground you. When things get tough, take a moment to reflect on how your spouse is supporting you.
Ask yourself: How are they standing beside me? What qualities drew me to them in the first place?
Practicing gratitude during difficult times doesn’t mean ignoring the challenges. It means choosing to see the good, even when life feels unbearably heavy.
Looking back, I am profoundly grateful for how gratitude helped us hold on to the light amidst the darkness.
It reminded me of my husband’s resilience, loyalty, and unwavering commitment—even in the face of terrifying uncertainty. Gratitude kept us focused on each other instead of being consumed by our struggles.
Building a Gratitude Routine Together
Creating a shared gratitude practice is a fantastic way to cultivate closeness and bring a deeper sense of purpose to your marriage.
One simple way to start is by sharing something you’re thankful for each day.
A few heartfelt words over dinner or morning coffee can mean the world to both of you. It’s a beautiful opportunity to open the door and express what you genuinely appreciate about each other.
It doesn’t have to be formal; it just needs to be genuine.
If you both enjoy writing or journaling, consider keeping a gratitude journal together. Use it to write down the things you appreciate about one another.
If you want to take this practice a step further, pray over the words and thoughts you’ve shared.
Thank God for the blessings in your marriage, and ask Him to continue guiding and blessing your union.
However you choose to build this joint gratitude routine, the commitment will help you both connect on a deeper level.
It will allow you to uncover a newfound depth of appreciation for one another and strengthen the bond you share.
Gratitude in Action: Serving and Loving with Intention
As powerful as words are, actions speak just as loudly—if not louder.
When you feel grateful for your spouse, it naturally inspires you to show your love in tangible ways. You’ll find yourself wanting to serve them, express kindness, or surprise them with something unexpected and special.
This is yet another beautiful way to infuse your marriage with more love and gratitude—through action.
Perhaps you’ll decide to plan a special date for the two of you, or maybe you’ll surprise him with his favorite meal.
You might take on a task that’s normally his responsibility or free up his schedule so he can enjoy a round of golf on a Saturday afternoon and have time to decompress and recharge.
Finally, never underestimate the power of a simple hug, kiss, or touch to convey your love and appreciation.
While grand gestures are wonderful, these small, intentional acts of gratitude can make a profound difference in keeping your connection deep and strong.
They remind your spouse that they are loved, valued, and cherished.
The Spiritual Aspect of Gratitude in Marriage
Gratitude in marriage carries a deeply spiritual element. When you take the time to acknowledge your spouse as a gift from God, you begin to see your marriage as part of the greater plan He has for your life.
Out of all the possibilities, God ensured that the two of you would meet at exactly the right time. He laid out the path for your love to grow and for your marriage to become a reality.
The journey your relationship has taken was all part of God’s design.
Take time to pray together and thank God for your marriage. Prayer is an intimate way to grow closer to both God and each other.
Ask Him to fill your marriage with the power of the Holy Spirit and to provide divine protection over your union.
As 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
This verse serves as a powerful reminder that gratitude isn’t reserved for the good, easy, or joyful moments. Gratitude is also essential during the seasons that test us to our very limits.
It is often through those hardest times that God provides us with opportunities to grow closer in our marriage and deepen our faith.
Next Steps
When you make gratitude a consistent part of your marriage, you are making a conscious choice to strengthen your bond and deepen your love in a truly beautiful way.
Take time today to appreciate your spouse, and watch as gratitude brings new joy and connection into your relationship.
I invite you to join my 7-Day Gratitude in Marriage Challenge.
Experience firsthand the transformation you and your spouse will enjoy. And of course, don’t forget to share your comments below!
7-Day Gratitude in Marriage Challenge
Day 1: Notice the Small Things
- Challenge: Pay attention to the little things your spouse does today, and thank them for one small act you might normally overlook.
- Reflection: How did acknowledging a small gesture change your perspective?
Day 2: Verbalize a Specific Appreciation
- Challenge: Tell your spouse something specific you appreciate about them today. Be detailed and genuine.
- Reflection: How did this verbal expression make them feel? Did it strengthen your bond?
Day 3: Write a Note or Send a Text
- Challenge: Leave a note or send a quick text expressing gratitude. Something short and sweet, like “Thinking of you—thank you for always being there.”
- Reflection: How did taking this small step impact the day?
Day 4: Reflect on a Challenging Season
- Challenge: Think back to a difficult time in your marriage and reflect on how your spouse supported you. Thank them for their strength and resilience during that season.
- Reflection: How did this exercise help you see your spouse in a new light?
Day 5: Share a Meal and a Gratitude Moment
- Challenge: During dinner, each of you shares one thing you’re thankful for in your marriage.
- Reflection: How did this shared gratitude create a sense of closeness?
Day 6: Act on Your Gratitude
- Challenge: Do something for your spouse that shows appreciation—take over a chore, plan a date, or bring them a favorite treat.
- Reflection: How did this act of service affect your connection?
Day 7: Pray Together
- Challenge: Take a moment to pray with your spouse, thanking God for the blessings in your marriage and asking for His continued guidance.
- Reflection: How did praying together influence the way you view each other?
