Table of Contents
Introduction
It was a Saturday morning, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a… Who am I kidding?! My kids were most definitely stirring and prepping their list of breakfast and morning cartoon requests.
Granted, I had about an hour to myself, and during those glorious 60 minutes, I happily sipped on my coffee and read my Bible chapter. The quiet was blissful, and being able to see the early morning light slowly and gradually brighten outside my living room window is truly a gift from God.
Quiet contemplation is wonderful, but I don’t always get to enjoy it every morning. I have tried every way to be 100% consistent, but in the reality of everyday mom life, it is not always possible.
I used to get mad at myself for not getting the “perfect” amount of me-time every morning. Pretty silly, I know, but I highly doubt I’m the only mom who’s felt like that. I had a fixed idea of what a successful and productive mom and woman should look and be like.
I felt pressure to ensure that I had a set amount of time to work on my self-development, and all the while, I would just stress out whenever it didn’t go perfectly. All that perfectionism, all that stress, and I would lose sight of simply appreciating the happy moments whenever they did happen.
Today, I want to talk to you about finding joy in everyday moments. Big or small, they are there, and sadly, I’ll be the first to admit that I have been guilty of losing sight of them because I was too busy fretting over how imperfect my day had been.
We live in a fast-paced world where demands and expectations have a habit of consuming us so much that we never actually stop to simply be and enjoy small moments. You know the old adage, “Stop and smell the roses.” Totally cliché, I know, but when was the last time you actually, literally stopped and smelled some flowers?
When was the last time you just sat quietly, with no phone, no music, no TV, and just breathed? When was the last time you stopped, listened, and watched what was around you? I’ll go ahead and be the first to raise my hand and say, I sometimes struggle with this.
Redefining Joy in a Busy World
Between my 9-5 and my business, as a working momma, my “Go” button feels like it is pressed 24/7. When I transitioned to remote work, I thought it would be so much less stressful. I had a very different vision of what life would be like, picturing myself sitting on my comfy couch with a laptop, while my kids happily played nearby. I’m pretty sure the sun was shining, and birds were chirping in my unrealistic vision, too. Granted, I’m sure there are some of you reading this who get to experience that, and I am genuinely thrilled you get to have that. But in my case, not so much.
My two kiddos are currently 6 and 3 years old. Although they are great kids, they fight just like any other siblings, and their needs are constant all day long. We also homeschool, so they are both at home full-time as I work.
“Challenging” is the understatement of the year. I’m still hopeful that as they get older, working from home will get easier for me, but in the meantime, my husband and I juggle their care between our separate days off throughout the week (this one is really tough on us) and private childcare. All of this is to say, there are only a few moments of quiet and just being in the moment.
Sadly, it’s easy to let this get to me. I sometimes find myself wishing and longing to just be able to play hooky for a day and spend the whole day soaking in my kids and their antics. Although I do try to take a couple of personal days every month, it doesn’t always happen.
The stark reality of those bills every month certainly keeps me on my toes, and I feel the immense responsibility to hold up my end of the financial responsibility to support our family. So, how do we find the time to enjoy the sweet moments? How do we fill our souls with joy while we are living in a tug-of-war between the world’s demands and God’s blessings?
The Power of Mindfulness
So, what does it mean to be mindful? It simply means taking the time to be fully present in the moment and aware of the events happening around you, no matter how small. Be in tune with how those around you are feeling and what they are doing. Be sensitive to how you feel in that moment, and if you’re having a physical response, acknowledge the sensation.
I have a few windows in my office, and one is strategically placed in front of me. Whenever I get swamped with work or feel like I’m running a mile a minute, I just stop and look outside. There’s a small grove of trees directly outside my window, so even just paying attention to how the light is changing on the leaves throughout the day helps ground me and bring me back to earth.
I get to appreciate the beauty of creation and pause, even if just for a few minutes, so I can actually process how I’m feeling.
Am I stressed?
Am I happy?
Am I overwhelmed?
Do I need to take a moment for some deep breathing and find an opportunity for gratitude?
The most important step to making room for mindfulness is to slow down. Do you need to put that phone down and put it on silent after a certain time of day? I know that I do. After 5:00 p.m., you will not hear my phone go off because it’s on silent.
My evenings are for me and my family, whether we’re rushing off to karate and gymnastics class or going to church on Wednesday nights. After 5:00 p.m., it’s family time.
There’s no better feeling than just being present. I know my kiddos will only be this young for a short amount of time. I already see how much my youngest has grown, and it makes me miss when my oldest was that same age.
Where did the time go?
I will never get those moments back, but I know I can be mindful now and not miss any more than I need to.
Cultivating Gratitude
Feeling joy is great, but actually taking the time to express that gratitude is a whole other level of joy. And gratitude, when practiced daily, can be something you can hold on to even when you’re having the worst day, week, or year.
I remember when our youngest was still very ill with end-stage liver disease. He had been on the transplant list for many months with no happy end in sight. His immune system was so vulnerable, and we were in and out of the hospital all the time. As a family, we were living in survival mode day in and day out, and we were so far in medical debt we almost lost our home and vehicles.
Every part of my son’s body bore the mark of sickness, deep jaundice, and impending death. It was awful. It could have broken me so quickly. I could have spiraled so easily. What saved me was my faith in God’s plan for my son and my daily prayer of gratitude for one more day with my baby boy.
Every day was a gift from God. Every day was an opportunity to watch him have a normal relationship with his big sister. Every day was a chance for me to watch him grow for one more day, hit new milestones, and take endless annoying photos and videos.
Expressing gratitude through prayer doesn’t have to be formal. It doesn’t require any special words or acts of praise. Just speak out loud or in your mind.
You can be on your knees or just driving in your car. You can be joyful or mustering through tears. I know I had many prayers of gratitude that were quietly said through tears. You can still be sad and grateful for what you do have that is good and beautiful.
I love my children’s snuggles. I mean, what momma doesn’t, right? I love it when they just quietly curl up next to me and want to simply be there, holding on to me. Nothing else matters at that moment.
It doesn’t matter that they drove me absolutely nuts with the tantrums, or the fighting, or the pickiness at mealtime, or that my house looks like a tornado just went through it.
It. Doesn’t. Matter.
All I care about in those moments is that they still want to snuggle, they still need me, and for a brief moment, I get to be everything they want and need.
Little do they know just how much my heart needs them all the time.
Finding Joy in Routine
Opportunities to feel joy don’t just happen during extraordinary moments. Yes, witnessing momentous events in your and your family’s life is amazing. But joy can also be found in some of the most mundane situations too.
There’s joy in simply watching your kids drawing and creating. There’s joy to be felt when you see their eyes light up as they proudly hold up their art, their hands completely covered in paint, and they say, “Mommy, Mommy, look!”
There’s also joy to be felt in cleaning your home and doing laundry. You might be thinking, “Cleaning? Really?” Yes, even cleaning.
How blessed are we to have the privilege to clean a home and do laundry because we have a home, we have running water, and we have in-home facilities to do that.
My birth story leads back to a woman who had never owned a pair of shoes in her life, had no flooring or running water in her home, and who gave me up for adoption so that I could have a chance at a better life.
So, YES, joy can be found even in having to do tedious grocery runs because we are blessed enough to be able to buy food when we need it. You see, when it comes to finding joy in the mundane, it’s all about perspective.
It’s all too easy to become numb to the everyday chores and obligations. But if you simply stop to switch your inner dialogue from I have to to I get to it completely transforms your approach.
It fills your mundane routine with purpose and intent. And suddenly, those pesky bills become a symbol of the privilege you have.
“I have to pay for amenities” vs. “I get to have power and clean running water in my home.”
“I have to grocery shop again” vs. “My family gets to have food on the table, and we don’t have to know what starvation feels like.”
“I have to pay the mortgage/rent” vs. “I get to sleep inside the comfort of a safe space tonight.”
“I have to buy the kids new shoes again” vs. “I get to buy my children new clothes because they are healthy and growing.”
Connection and Relationships
There is no doubt that as humans, we are social creatures. If 2020 taught the world anything, it’s that we are not meant to be isolated, and we inherently need human connection to thrive and nurture our mental health.
We need to nurture our relationships, but because of how busy we all tend to get, relationships can easily slip by the wayside as we might not actively focus on them. And I don’t just mean our core relationships like with our spouse or immediate family members. I am also referring to friendships of all levels and even co-workers.
Everyone has burdens and stressors in their lives, and you never know what someone else is going through. Taking the time to nurture all the relationships in your life can go a long way. It can be as simple as making sure you reach out to your distant friend once a month, without any expectations in return.
Be willing to take a genuine interest in how and what they are doing in their lives. Actively listen to them and meet them with compassion and a servant’s heart. Sometimes joy comes in the form of giving and not just what we get out of a situation.
If you’re having dinner with your spouse or significant other, put your phone away. Yes, you can still receive notifications if your sitter is watching the kids, but for goodness’ sake, take your eyes off the screen and actually make eye contact with the person you are with.
Your brain won’t remember the exact words spoken during that dinner, but you’ll remember how you felt around that person, how they smiled, and how happy you were to have some exclusive alone time.
Joy in Solitude
Finally, learn to find joy and happiness with just yourself. How do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? Allow yourself to spend time with yourself and take the time to nurture your mind, soul, and body.
This can mean taking a warm bath, going for a walk, or doing some exercise in your living room. It can also mean making yourself a healthy meal, sitting down with zero distractions, and actually savoring your food.
Pray, read your Bible, journal, or put on some music and sing or dance. Nurture yourself to fill your soul with things that are fulfilling. Fuel your mind with what will ground you and help you grow as a woman.
Is there a subject that intrigues you? Find a good book about it and read it. Learn new skills and pursue certifications in something that brings you happiness.
Committing to our loved ones and serving them, as well as our community, is an incredible role to have. We can help shape the world around us and build up a new generation of people, but we also need to work on ourselves.
The fruits of our labor are only amplified when we can endeavor in our acts with genuine joy and fulfillment. Our joy radiates and transforms those around us like a ripple effect, whether we’re helping to shape young minds or just sharing kind words with the cashier at the grocery store.
Choosing Joy Every Day
Joy is found in the present moment. It is found in gratitude, mindfulness, your everyday routines, deep and distant relationships, and also in solitude. I encourage you to start intentionally looking for joy in your everyday life.
Start by focusing on one area you want to see grow the most, or simply become mindful of how you speak of your current situation, whatever it may be. How many times can you switch from a verbiage of I have to to I get to?
I invite you to begin transforming your life with my Finding Joy 7-Day Challenge. After completing the challenge, reflect on how these small, mindful actions have impacted your sense of joy in daily life. Consider making these practices a regular part of your routine to continue cultivating joy. Don’t forget to share your comments and experiences below. I’d love to hear from you!
Day 1: Embrace Morning Stillness
Focus: Start the day with a quiet moment for yourself.
Action: Wake up 15 minutes earlier than usual. Spend this time enjoying your favorite beverage, reflecting, praying, or simply watching the world wake up around you. No phone, no distractions.
Reflection: How did starting the day with stillness make you feel? What differences did you notice in your mood and energy throughout the day?
Day 2: The "I Get To" Perspective
Focus: Shift your mindset from obligation to privilege.
Action: Today, every time you think or say, “I have to…” change it to “I get to…”. For example, “I get to clean the house because I have a home to care for.”
Reflection: How did this simple change in wording impact your thoughts and feelings? Did it make routine tasks more enjoyable?
Day 3: Mindful Moments
Focus: Practice mindfulness by being fully present.
Action: Take 5 minutes today to sit quietly and focus on your surroundings. Notice the sights, sounds, and smells around you. If you start to get distracted, gently guide your focus back to the present moment.
Reflection: What did you notice that you usually overlook? How did this moment of mindfulness affect your overall sense of joy?
Day 4: Gratitude in Action
Focus: Express gratitude to find joy.
Action: Write down three things you are grateful for today. Share one of these gratitudes with someone else, either in conversation or through a text.
Reflection: How did expressing your gratitude make you feel? Did sharing your gratitude with someone else amplify your sense of joy?
Day 5: Find Joy in the Mundane
Focus: Discover joy in everyday routines.
Action: Choose one routine task (e.g., doing laundry, cooking, cleaning) and approach it with a new perspective. Focus on the process, engage your senses, and consider what a blessing it is to be able to perform this task.
Reflection: What did you notice about the task when you focused on it with intent? Did it help you find more joy in something you usually do on autopilot?
Day 6: Nurture Relationships
Focus: Connect with others to nurture joy.
Action: Reach out to someone you haven’t connected with in a while. Send a text, make a phone call, or set up a coffee date. Listen actively and be present in the conversation.
Reflection: How did this connection make you feel? Did taking the time to focus on someone else bring a sense of joy or fulfillment?
Day 7: Self-Care and Solitude
Focus: Take time to nurture yourself.
Action: Choose a self-care activity that brings you joy. Whether it’s a bath, a walk, reading, or dancing to your favorite music, spend time with yourself and focus on what makes you feel nourished.
Reflection: How did this act of self-care affect your mood? What did you learn about what your mind, body, and soul need to feel joy?
